Friday, March 27, 2009

This post might get long. Or it might not. Who knows? We'll see.

Last week was spring break and last weekend was Hub's and my 11th anniversary.

The kids and I spent the first part of spring break in Chicken Town with Nana. Nice change of scenery. Then we doled the kids out to the grandparents and Hubs and I spent the weekend at Quartz Mountain Resort. It was beautiful and relaxing and we enjoyed every minute of it.

And I came home planning on posting the beautiful pictures we took on top of Twin Peaks.

Obviously, that hasn't happened.

Partly due to pms and partly due to finally hitting the wall that I was running toward.

The first part of '09 has brought major change to our family. RC started working part time at the radio station. God has opened the door for another part time job for RC that he is really enjoying, we got our tax return, and we have family that continues to selflessly help us. But this extended season of financial hardship has been trying. When RC took the job at the radio station we thought '09 would bring a very different type of change financially. Our level of trusting God concerning our finances is deepening, though it's not a pleasant process. And our mindset materially is also changing. We can honestly say, "Thank You, God, for these changes in us."

The other major change concerns our involvement in Altus Christian Fellowship. God has called us to follow Him apart from ACF. What makes this change so hard is that some friends don't understand and there are some friends that we only saw at ACF. The relationships that are severing are painful, and the relationships that are being lost are sad.

Our decision to disconnect from ACF is based solely on what we believe God is telling us to do and what we believe Scripture says about being the Church. It has nothing to do with people or a person or any 'incident'. We still love all our Brothers and Sisters in Christ at ACF. And we still believe that God is doing great things there.

However, making the extra effort to connect with our friends from ACF is hard right now because we aren't yet sure how those relationships are going to go. If we will still be received or if we won't. It is very stressful. And the unfortunate part is that most of it is a battle in our minds. It is hard not to determine beforehand how we think people are going to respond. It is also hard to open ourselves up to the possibility of being misunderstood, disagreed with, or even rejected.

The one thing I kept hearing in my spirit when we finally received the confirming word that it was time to go in a different direction was "Are you going to please God or man?" Right now pleasing God is costing us, but in the long run pleasing man would cost us so much more.

So, about that wall.

Since the beginning of '09 I have gained 6 lbs. Unfortunately, that's how I tend to handle stress. And while we were in our routine it was easy to ignore. But the welcomed changes of stepping out of our routine that came with spring break ended up bringing me unknowingly close to my wall. And this week I crashed into it.

It was no doubt made more obvious by the fact that I was also dealing with pms, but I believe that to be completely God's plan. Had I not crashed this hard I would have continued to just manage. And that is not God's best for us. Stress is inevitable. Change is too. And following God successfully through it doesn't mean that we are completely unfazed by it and go along all nonchalant and happy. Jesus sweat blood before He went to the cross. Following God successfully means we have a deep knowing in our spirits that we will be victorious despite our present circumstances because Jesus has already won the battle.

And we don't have to fall back into old and destructive habits because we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-38)

So, instead of going to food for comfort or release during this season of stress, I will once again start going to Jesus. And one of the best ways to focus on Jesus is to plaster our minds with Scripture, so during the month of April the kids and I will be memorizing Psalm 112. It is 10 verses long. Verse 7 says: They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. Another translation says: they do not fear bad news for it is settled in their minds that Jehovah will take care of them.

Things are hard right now but through these trials it is becoming more and more settled in my mind that Jehovah will take care of us. And that confidence is priceless because OUR GOD IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL!

Bridget

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