I couldn't come up with a better title.

I'm still trying to come up with a better title. Any help would be appreciated.

Here is Life Lesson #1

1. Say yes to your children as often as possible. Say no only when you have to.

I don't remember which author I read this from, but it stuck with me. And since reading it God has opened me eyes to two things that have changed my perspective.

The first is that most of the time that I answer no to one of my children's questions is simply because of selfishness. I don't want to stop what I'm doing to help or I don't want to have to deal with the mess that I know will come later. Or I don't want to share. The selfish reasons list could go on for quite a while.

When I realized how selfish I was being toward my children I was surprised. I had never noticed my own selfishness in that way before. I hid it under the disguise of authority. It makes me cringe when I think of it that way, but that is what I did and still sometimes do on autopilot. Without thinking I will just reply 'no' and then when I stop and think about my reasons for saying 'no' they are selfish.

I am still learning how to truly listen to my children, respond out of love, and take the time to pray it through. God is helping me.

The second thing happened a few months ago. My oldest son walked into the kitchen to ask me a question and before he asked he turned around to walk away and I heard him say, "I already know the answer." My heart was saddened by this realization.

Now, sometimes when rules are set in place and boundaries are known, then our kids should already know the answer to some questions and therefore not need to ask them. However, this was a different situation. He already knew the answer because of my habit of saying no.

He was coming to me to ask to play on a toy that is not always available for play, and because of my track record he didn't even make the effort to ask. He assumed (and probably correctly) that I would say no because that is what I usually say.

God showed me through this situation how my selfishness was causing a hindrance to the relationship I want to have with my children. I want to have an open relationship. I want my children to come to me with their problems, their questions, their concerns, their fears, their joys, their victories. I want my children to feel like they can come to me whenever. I DON'T want them to NOT come to me because they assume I will automatically say no.

I know that my children are small and I still have alot to learn. I also know that things are always completely different when you actually live them. It's like when people with no children try to tell people with children how to parent. So, I don't believe I have this all figured out and I know it is possible my opinion will be different when I actually have teenagers in my home.

But, what I do know for sure is that God has placed three families in my life that have raised teenagers or are raising them now and they have the kind of relationship with their children that I want to have with mine. So I am watching. I am asking questions. I am paying attention. And one thing I am noticing is how selfLESS these parents are. How they don't just automatically say no, but they take the time to listen, to discern, and mostly, to pray.

And because of their selflessness their kids can trust that when mom and dad say no it is in their best interest.

I want my children to be able to trust me like that. So for now I'm learning to say 'yes'. And I'm relaying the foundation of my relationship with my two big boys. And God, in His goodness, is letting me already reap some of the rewards of my efforts.

In hugs, kisses, and smiles.

Bridget

I want to quickly add that RC and I both have wonderful parents whom we learn alot from. However, because we were children we sometimes don't correctly remember how our parents handled things and that is why we need other families to learn from now that we are parents.